Sleeping. . .
by Bluegoo
Summary: Warning: this contains shounen-ai (oh, and angst, naturally,) between Touya and Yue, nothing explicit but. . . you have been warned!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimers:  
  
These characters are not mine, but CLAMP'S. If you did not know this, you have probably entered the wrong fanfiction domain, but - stay anyway, and please R this contains shounen-ai (non-explicit male-male relationship), if this offends you I suggest you do not read this or indeed fics of mine containing Yue, Yukito and Touya. . . i.e. any of them.  
  
^_o Enjoy! _____________________________________________________________________  
  
Sleeping. . .  
  
Full moon tonight, simply perfect. . . There was no-one about to disturb his rooftop contemplation of the glorious night sky. Sunset had long faded into the deepest, most spacious expanse of stars he had seen since moving to this populated area, a great canopy of stars, dominated, tonight, by the moon's full glowing face.  
  
It was tempting to take to the air and escape the dim glow of the streetlamps beneath his feet, dive ever closer to the shining orb, but. . . in the deserted street and calm air the streetlamps were unobtrusive, the air sweet and cool and refreshing. And the scene was wonderfully, blessedly free of interruptions. . .  
  
Then Yue frowned. He didn't need anyone to interrupt him when part of his subconscious was embodied by Yukito, his false-form and cheerful expert on all things culinary. He'd be willing to bet the snow bunny was dreaming about food again. . . of course, he didn't need to bet: Yue could take a peak at Yukito's dreams any time he chose, and in the past had often done so. After all, they were, technically speaking, different aspects of the same person. However, lately he'd refrained from doing this, partly because Yukito would soon start to realise that the exchange operated both ways. . . It was ridiculous! He was tip-toeing mentally, around his own false-form. It wasn't as if Yukito had any direct control over Yue at all: sharing memories and thoughts were one thing, but the snow rabbit had no ability to create false memories, as Yue had done for him, nor any hold over the transformation process. Yue could simply wipe him out of existence if he became too troublesome, and incorporate his thoughts and feelings back into his own psyche. Sometimes he thought he might. . . But. . . Yue hesitated to do this. Yukito was a part of the community here, accepted and trusted and liked by those surrounding his mistress. Yue was, in fact, despite his magical powers and duty to Sakura-sama, much more of an outsider than his false form.  
  
And besides, Yue didn't deny that he was fond of Yukito, not quite in the same way a parent loves a child - for in many senses, Yukito was more experienced than he was - but he did care for him, in an odd way. His old master, the magician Clow Reed, had always considered his creations with the utmost care, and he would nurture them to their highest potential once they were realised. To Yue's knowledge, Clow had never, ever destroyed any of his creations, even when they turned out differently than he had intended. Life wasn't easy to grant and it shouldn't be easy to take away. So Yue left Yukito alone and hoped that the snow bunny, newly initiated into the world of magic and sorcery his true form was embroiled in, would not realise the influence he had over his creator. Creator. . . Yue winced. His mind was running in circles tonight, always back to his beloved master, and then in turn. . . hold that thought. He was here to enjoy the quiet atmosphere and absorb the healing magic of the moon, *not* to angst over his. . . well. . . Yukito's. . . *relationship* with his mistress's onnichan. san. Yue put a lot of effort into making the thought sarcastic, but it came out, as always, as slightly wistful. Guilty, even. He sighed. And that was the other reason he left his false form's dreams alone. There was something mortifyingly embarrassing about witnessing any of his false form's fantasies. Whenever he had done so it felt as if he was intruding on something too personal for his eyes, absurdly: weren't he and Yukito supposed to be the same person? A ghost of a smile flitted over his lips. It's always *false form* when you don't want to be associated with him, isn't it? But those are as much your dreams as his. That is why you look away. That was something Yue was reluctant to acknowledge, even to himself.  
  
He sat down, feeling restless. The night's calm had drained away. This always seemed to happen. He would begin meditating in the cool night air, and then all these thoughts and feelings and memories would seep in to ruin it for him. And of course, it was all mixed up in his head with the anguish of coming to terms with his old master's death, centuries ago for the rest of the world, but only months for him. He missed the warm blue eyes - blue could be warm, warmer than gold and red and orange, the colours of Keroberos's armour. Yue knew no armour that could protect you from memories, though. . . only Yukito's protection, forgetfulness. And hard as it was, cold as it was, he did not want to forget the past.  
  
Instead, he wished for the cold to envelop his heart and steal the pain away, but it wasn't going to happen, not when everyone seemed to have a foothold in Yukito's heart and therefore, however unwillingly, in his own. Was he unwilling? Yue squeezed his eyes and senses shut to try and will the confusion away.  
  
He sat there for a long time, lost in thought, then tiredly, finally, he got to his feet. He would return to Yukito's form. There was absolutely no point in staying like this. Sakura was in no trouble, he was not called upon for action, and he didn't want to be alone with himself anymore. . . Perhaps he should have fought harder at the judgement, past the point where he had been defeated. He could have fought beyond that, destroying any hope of assuming this new role, this new life, but go back to sleep and reimmerse himself in the clarity of memories of the old. Perhaps there was nothing for him now but confusion. The guardian was about to transform, when he heard someone trudging up the path. He instantly sprang into the air, a defensive move, sending his mane of shimmering hair whipping about his face. Despite this, he could make out the growling figure below him plainly enough. What the. . . ? Touya? _____________________________________________________________________  
  
The vocab:  
  
Iie - empathic 'no', and probably used in the wrong context here; 'chigau' might have been more suitable. Onnichan - 'big brother', familiar term Onnisan - 'big brother', polite term Gomen nasai - very sorry Arigatou - thank you Ano - my favourite word, 'umm.' Ohayo - hello Minna-chan - everyone  
  
I usually stick author's notes at the end of my stories. . . 'usually' being the couple of times I've posted any, eheh. . . but, what can I say? It's Touya. It's Yue. It's fluff. Non-explicit fluff, but fluff nonetheless. With the occasional thinking-point thrown in where I could find one. o_0 Also a very short chapter, in order to accumulate more reviews over the entire fic (hint^_^)  
  
For better fics, read those written by my favourite authors on ff.net, namely Dr Megalomania, MorganD, and Suppichan. Oh - especially try to read the following by Dr Megalomania: she wants to reach 400 reviews in her fic 'In this tainted soul. . . there lies hope' so in the name of writer's solidarity, folks, please go and help her! 


	2. Not default chapter

Evidently, Touya had yet to notice him floating a good few metres above ground, mistakenly believing the silvery gleam of his magical aura to be from full moon. Yue felt a pang of guilt again, although it didn't show on his face, from the knowledge that the non-visible, magical element of his aura was no longer visible to his - Yukito's - friend, which was why he hadn't spotted him. After all, Yue was fairly conspicuous. . .  
  
Touya was still muttering to himself as he approached the front door, looking uncommonly less than self-possessed. Under the shade of the porch, he ran a hand through his long fringe, reached for the doorbell. Drew his hand back. Repeated the procedure a few times. Hemmed, stuck his hands on his hips and glared at the doorway. Despite himself, Yue resisted the urge to smile. What could To-ya want at this time of night? And why was he looking so uncomfortable about it? Obeying an unusual imp of mischief, the guardian silently glided down behind the taller youth on his feathery white wings and folded his arms, waiting for him to register the unearthly white glow about him. The sudden noticeable lack of breathing from Touya was the only sign that he'd sensed the angel behind him. "Well?" Yue was careful to keep his voice as neutral as he usually did, "Are you going to stand there all night?" "Hmph." Touya finally swivelled round, face set in a glare. It was the mouth that did it, Yue decided, or maybe the eyes. There was something funny about Touya's glare. Something that really did make him feel like smiling. Although he didn't. Yue merely regarded the glare with his unimpressed catlike eyes and raised a fine, white eyebrow. The moon angel was well aware that his appearance belied none of the turmoil of the past few minutes. At least, he hoped it didn't. Strangely, the confusion had dissipated now, most likely buried under the curiosity he felt as to why his false form's best friend had strode up here under the cover of darkness, leaving his bike behind. . . there you go again, 'false form's'. . . Regardless, open curiosity didn't really fit the imposing image he presented to the world, so instead, Yue waited, drifting a couple of feet above the ground and incidentally, blocking any exit Touya might hope to make. Finally, the taller boy sighed and gave in. "All right, can I come in?" "Hai. . ."Yue set his feet on the ground, soft wings vanishing, and brushed past, clicking the lock with telekinesis. He was showing off, and he knew it. Yue groaned internally. . . but he was enjoying seeing Touya, who was rarely made to look like an ill-at-ease child on his first day at school, so discomfited. The guardian angel didn't care to analyse that response too closely.  
  
Once inside, Yue walked into the kitchen, preferring the view of the night sky from its window, and Touya paced behind him, staring at the faint light emitted by the guardian. Normal light would have reflected in glints and patches off Yukito's array of cooking apparatus. . . but this wasn't normal light, and everything was bathed in a radiance that almost seemed to make objects sparkle on the inside. A bit like Yue. . . Touya rubbed the back of his head. He hadn't been sure about this venture by the time he'd stumbled across the threshold to Yukito's house - no magical vision to augment his sight in the dark anymore, Touya thought ruefully, feeling his bruised shin throb - and meeting Yue rather than the expected snow bunny had put a dampener on his plans. The moon guardian was staring colourlessly out of the window, pretending to be absorbed by the view while somehow putting out the impression that he was waiting for Touya to say something. Inwardly, Sakura's onnichan flinched. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to explain his presence. . . it had to look unusual, not to mention irresponsible, sneaking out to his friend's house in the middle of the night, without even an excuse prepared. It was just that, he'd woken up and. . . he'd had to come over. He'd been dreaming about the transfer, about what it had felt like, even if just for an instant, to understand Yue/Yukito's thoughts. Somewhere in the fuzzy logic between sleeping and waking he'd made up his mind that it *had* to be tonight that he told him, for sure, no beating around the bush, no insecurity, before the memory was lost completely.  
  
Outwardly, however, the taller boy remained silent, as silent as Yue across from him. . . Touya's mind drifted back again to when he had given Yue his magic to survive, reminded of his unaffected posture then, the way he had talked and scarcely seemed to care if he had lived or died. Yue would never have volunteered the information of his condition, even though his life was evaporating minute by minute - he was exactly like Yukito in that respect. In the three years he had known him, Touya couldn't bring to mind a single instance where the snow bunny had asked for anything, not even a favour. It wasn't pride that constrained the magical being, though; Touya remembered the regret in his angel's voice as he admitted he had not told Sakura about his waning powers, in case she harmed herself trying to sustain him.  
  
More than that, though, Yue didn't see that anyone would care enough to give him the energy he depended on. It was- how could anyone think that way? It was frustrating. Touya knew his family cared for him, knew his friends liked him, knew. . . or suspected . . . that Yukito and Yue cared for him too, maybe, maybe just as much as he cared for him. For anyone, let alone someone so close to him, to think they just weren't important enough in the scheme of things to matter. . . It was. It was wrong. And that angel would never ask for anything he wanted, so it was up to him to pry it out of the stubborn guardian.  
  
"Yue-san." "Touya Kinomoto." Was it his imagination or did the angel tense up when he spoke? Touya rolled his eyes. "You don't have to be so formal. . ." "Why are you here?" It was Yue's turn to wince, as the words came out more sharply than he'd intended. Touya didn't seem to notice; he was staring hard at the ceiling. "I thought. . . you might be lonely." Yue stared. Lonely? If anything, the opposite, overcrowded in his own psyche. He supposed this would have been a welcome distraction, if he knew the underlying cause of it. Thank the stars Yukito won't remember. . . He toned his voice down a little "Why did you come here tonight?" "I told you, I thought you might need some company . . . well. . . to tell the truth. . . I was. . ." he shrugged, "restless." "Oh." Nonplussed, Yue stared, until Touya started to sweatdrop. He hadn't thought Yue would be quite so unfriendly, and was doing his best to hide his shock. Confused, the angel sought for a suitable reply: "Arigatou. . ?" "Well, if you're tired. . ." Turning to leave, Touya kept his eyes firmly on the floor and not that penetrating stare. Evidently he'd come at a bad time. Perhaps every time was a bad time. Perhaps he'd made a mistake. But he'd been so sure. . . About to enter the hallway, he heard a very quiet voice behind him; "You can stay if you want." The tightness in his chest eased - an admission, however grudging - from the moon angel was encouraging. "It is kind of you to drop by. . . ano. . . it is quite late." Yue continued to stare pointedly at him. Ah. Too soon to relax then - obviously, Yue really didn't *get* why he would feel compelled to pay a visit at all, let alone at this hour. Well, it wasn't usual behaviour, even for someone known to ruthlessly veto his sister's dates by Any Means Necessary, which had at one point involved dropping down from a second storey window and. . . never mind about that. "I don't know why I'm here. I just-. I should have called beforehand. Gomen nasai." "Iie, you aren't interrupting. Yukito sleeps at night, I do not." Of course. Yue, moon. Even now his sister's guardian was keeping half an eye on the restorative moonlight, almost drinking it in. Touya held back a smile of appreciation. "You don't sleep? Ever?" Touya tried to imagine that, and then muttered, "And yet you don't drink coffee. . . it makes no sense. . ." He heard a rustle that might have been Yue shifting position, because it certainly wasn't a laugh. "I don't need to eat." Touya snorted, "Keroberos doesn't either, but he does, constantly." "I. . ." Yue paused "have enough of eating in Yukito's form." "Oh. . ." having intended to ask this for the past few weeks, but not sure whether it would constitute a personal question, Touya finally managed, "So. . . do you retain all of Yukito's experiences?" Yue raised a lofty eyebrow. "Why do you ask?" "Just curious." A certain moon guardian looked like he wasn't taken in for a second. Good. He was finally catching on. "Oh, I see. . . then, yes. . . I share his memories, and our thoughts often overlap. . ." Often, not always. Touya frowned, trying to define the relationship between his dearest friend of three years with the ethereal being before him. "I always sense him in you, even when you act nothing like him. . . " he murmured almost to himself, "and I always sensed you while you were dormant, more, now, when you wake up-" his thinking brought Yue's head up sharply, "You can still sense, magically?" "Iie, no," Touya stuck out a hand to halt him as he tried to concentrate, "it's like. . . I don't know. I see him and you together, even though you seem so different. But," he continued, slanting a look at the guardian, "the more I know you both, the more you seem . . similar. Iie, that is. . . you are the same," he stated quietly. "The same?" Unconvincingly, Yue stood taller, "Not many people would agree with you." Unexpectedly, Touya laughed. "Huh! That's what you want them to think. It was a good disguise, but the best lies are based on truth," at once he sweatdropped, "I don't believe it, I'm quoting Yamazaki. . ." "Yamazaki?" "One of Sakura's friends." "Ah." Touya snuck a peek at the angel, who was definitely looking more relaxed now. Ill at ease, but at least he was showing that he was ill at ease. It wasn't often that Yue, incongruously beautiful and imposing in appearance, was seen picking at a table cloth. It would be nice to imagine that he was preparing himself to divulge exactly what was bothering him, but Touya, smiling slightly, knew better than to hope for that. "So. . ." the guardian frowned. "Why did you come here, really? Was it. . . was it to find out more about me for Sakura? I haven't exactly been forthcoming, I know. . . " Touya snorted, exasperated, "for the last time, Yue-san, I came because I wanted to see you. Do a need another reason?" "Ano. . ." Yue gracefully lowered himself onto a stool, "I don't understand. . . " He didn't look up when Touya slid into the seat next to him. "Neither do I." He rested a hand cautiously against the angel's shoulder. "But. If you don't mind, I'd like to stay- anyway." Yes. . . tell him yes. . . "Ano." Yue was turning something over, or ignoring him - either way, he hadn't reacted to the hand. Touya really wasn't sure he should be doing this, or if it was taking advantage of the guardian's confusion and loneliness, but. . . it did feel good, just having the angel's warm shoulder beneath his palm. It was strange; Yue-san looked cold and remote a lot of the time, but he didn't feel it. He radiated heat. Unconsciously Touya began to rub his hand up and down, feeling the tension relax in his angel's back, and then lean into it slightly. Don't be lonely, angel. . . "Iie. . . " immediately, Touya jerked the offending hand away. "Uh, gomen." Yue twisted round to look at him, intense amethyst eyes oddly vulnerable, completely mystified. "Why. . . ?" Thoroughly embarrassed, the taller man blinked. "Uh, well, I don't. Um. . . " He offered "It's you. I don't know. It's just. . ." he twitched his shoulders, "You." "You mean Yukito. . ." Yue reminded him gently. "No I don't!" Touya cut in sharply, "He was never separate from you, not from the day a certain snow bunny fell out of a tree trying to watch the football team."  
  
The day we met. I didn't think you'd remember. . .  
  
There was a long moment of silence, then; "Would I do something so undignified?"  
  
"Well, maybe not. . ." Touya's mouth hung open. It couldn't be. Had his burning ears deceived him? But Yue had, in fact, made a joke. Not an uproariously funny joke, but he detected the faintest of smiles from him. "I don't know. Would you?" The smile retreated slightly, vanishing, perhaps it had never been. "I don't know. . ." "Then. . . you'd be willing to try?" Yue regarded him for a moment, then, blushing - or maybe it was his mind and the silvery moonlight playing tricks on him - turned back again without replying. Okay then. . . This time he didn't make a sound as Touya hesitantly resumed his back- rubbing. Yue's stillness was at first painfully slow to ease. To-ya considered wrapping his arms round the angel, hugging him the way his heart was telling him to, but he didn't want to disturb the peace finally creeping over his face, or the slight shift as Yue's stillness changed to something less frozen, less unsure.  
  
When Yue didn't object this time, he slowly stroked through the angel's silky hair with his other hand, cool like satin but soft and warm where his fingers trailed through it. . . most people didn't associate Touya with that kind of tenderness, but he remembered when he'd used to brush Nadeshiko's hair, and Sakura's when she was a child, before having it cut: she'd used to love it. . . and he had missed that closeness, hadn't found it anywhere else until now.  
  
Touya smiled, and found he was resting, eyes closed against his angel's head, hearing only the sound of their breathing, the light pulse of Yue's heartbeat beneath his fingers.  
  
He heard the sigh as Yue let the remaining stiffness seep out of him, settling into a more comfortable position, and then staying quite still, as if he were afraid that any movement would take the contact away. Well, he didn't have to worry about that. Touya smiled slightly and looked down, "Yue. . ." he began, and stopped. Manfully suppressed an un-onnichan-ly grin of contentment, and covered it with mental complaints. Typical. Just typical. Rather like Yukito after sitting out in the sun for too long, the angel had fallen peacefully asleep. His chosen berth rocked him experimentally, feeling how surprisingly light Yue was even for his slight stature. Watching Yue's eyelids fluttering as he nosed closer. . . Touya chuckled softly. "I guess this means I get to carry you off to bed, ne?" He spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb that sleeping visage, feeling his muscles click - how long had they been sitting like this? It was worth it, though, to see the dreaming angel. He slowly carried his friend upstairs, doing his best not to trip over the various bits of furniture in the way, and finally laid the angel to rest in Yukito's bedroom. "I'd like to stay with you, Yue-san, Yukito-san . . ." He was tempted. . . he brushed a kiss across his pale eyelids, feeling the lashes flutter against his lips, but. . . no. Not tonight, before Yue was ready. "When you're ready. Soon. . ." Touya whispered as he left his moon angel sleeping. * _____________________________________________________________________ *sweatdrops* I swear I started out this fic from Yue's viewpoint. When did he turn into Touya?  
  
Oh, ohayo, minna-chan! Yes! It's the best part of this fic - the ending. Well, almost; first come the author's notes, and if any of you saw that fic slipping inexorably closer to humour and pointless fluff, I obviously did not state clearly enough that it was indeed and solely pointless fluff ^_^ but thanks for reading it, please R&R!  
  
The vocab:  
  
Iie - empathic 'no', and probably used in the wrong context here; 'chigau' might have been more suitable. Onnichan - 'big brother', familiar term Onnisan - 'big brother', polite term Gomen nasai - very sorry Arigatou - thank you Ano - my favourite word, 'umm.' Ohayo - hello Minna-chan - everyone  
  
Author's note: Incidentally, the name 'Yukito' means 'snow rabbit'. Sort of. Yukito Tsukishiro apparently means 'Snow rabbit of the white castle' o_0 this bemuses me. 'Tsuki' means moon, in Japanese - so where did that castle come from? And why? 0_o. . . Well, if anyone knows, please tell me. 


End file.
